Beyond Hello, how are you?


The challenge for leaders today is to blend logic with emotion. This is the paradox of business and organisations today. The business of business, money, budgets, setting targets, K.P.I.’s and corporate responsibilities, requires a large amount of logic to get through the processes successfully. Logic has its’ place, however our real success is through the performance of people and teams. We have an emotional attachment to our targets, for example. Without this emotional attachment, we would not be engaged enough to meet our targets when the chips are down.

People are emotional beings and thrive on the right emotional state created through the environment and teamwork set by leadership. People need leaders to have empathy with them. They want to know that they are in step with their needs and their challenges. They need to know that they understand and have a large streak of compassion for their circumstances.

Logic is easy. It is “common-sense” and “street-smarts”. Logic is the domain of management that allows large organisations to function without dissolving into chaos. Logic can drive teams and individuals to perform well. There is a big caution for leaders, though. Leaders who stay in the “Logical” zone too long, or don’t show empathy or compassion when required lose the trust of their team very quickly. Engaging with people beyond “Hello. How are you?” is a key skill that many leaders fail to acquire. They think that if they know people too well, they may be too soft to discipline them when, or if the situation requires.

This is a false belief because your results require you to be more open with your team and to show them that you really care about them as well as the work.

There are levels of relationships above the level of Hello, how are you? They are in order of increasing levels of risk and reward:

Facts, then:

Information, onto sharing

Thoughts and

Ideas and then


Only then can we be in rapport with someone, which is the highest level in a relationship with high levels of trust and understanding.

You can build stronger relationships if you move above the cliché of just saying “Hello. How are you?” There is a risk when you move your communication higher with those around you. By sharing your thoughts and ideas with people, you run the risk of rejection. Although it is the thoughts and ideas you express are being rejected, we take these things personally, because we are “putting ourselves out there”.

The key here is confidence and sincerity. You will need to trust and have confidence in yourself and those around you in order to do this successfully and with sincerity. The benefits of moving your communication up are many and this is where the gold in relationships is kept.If we take the risk to share our thoughts and ideas with people around us and then move to sharing how we really feel about things, we become closer to people and create powerful bonds of trust and collaboration.

Try it out this week and you will be pleasantly surprised!

Let me know how it works for you!

#coaching #emotionalintelligence #relationships #Teamwork

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